So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
