They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
