its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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