Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
