he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
