we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
