I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Randomize
