I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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