I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
