Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
