i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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