i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
