If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize