I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
