I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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