Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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