I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
