i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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