worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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