My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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