i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
