I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
