well I can't set my house on fire every night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
