so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
