I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
