you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
