I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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