Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
