ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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