I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
