I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
