I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
