God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
