I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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