u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
