omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet he comes in French.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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