I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
