She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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