Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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