Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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