I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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