i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
