This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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