Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
