some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
