Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
