I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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