things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We left the knife in your bed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
