I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
