I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
