i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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