apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
