I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
