Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
