We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
God, I missed his penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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