u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
