My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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