alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
