You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
