You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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