Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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