So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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