garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How naked do you want me to be?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
