9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
