Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
