i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
