sarcasm needs its own font
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
