I just cut my nipple shaving
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize