Do you still have your period?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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