she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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