why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
