Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
