You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
