He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
