I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
