oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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