Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
